There are many valid reasons for this to happen: I´m a newbie at taking care of a kid (I only held a baby for the first time when I was pregnant and I simply was never around any kid before), I´m very soft and easy to bend in any relationship (it pisses me off my ability to be submissive), and the strongest one must be the fact that I´m really doing it all by myself (no family nearby, and changing countries twice in five years didn´t help much in the support system department).
So, I do have some excuses to be a lousy, permissive mom, but I´m not going to settle for them. I decided I have a last chance to enhance my influence on this kid right now. I only have 1,5 years till she´s 6, and that´s basically when our influence as parents cease dramatically.
How to seal the ability to feel like a complete loser as a mother…meet another mom who seems to have it all together.
Some time ago, I noticed a trend. A lot of mothers were feeling like I did. I felt like I couldn’t do enough, plan enough, clean enough, do the right things with my kids, I couldn’t keep myself up, in shape…I couldn’t keep up with the things that seemed to come effortlessly to other mothers.
I question (as I often do) my ability and decision to be a mother and felt bad for my children that they were stuck with me.
Eventually, I came to the realization that most if not all of us feel like that, even if it’s deeply rooted in some denial place that we can’t “go to”. We all feel like we’re in competition with each other; like there’s some secret contest to see which mom can juggle the best regardless of what’s thrown at them; the contest that awards the winner with admiration and awe from other mothers who only long to have the skills necessary to be her.
Two weeks ago I went to the movies with four other mom-friends. We organized it at a children´s birthday party a few days earlier and then were all set to go for it. We left our homes at 3:30 pm to go to the next city where there are movie theaters. The price to pay to live in a paradise location usually includes not having a movie theater within at least 60 miles.
After watching “Tropa de Elite 2”, a very good Brazilian movie about the criminality, police and corruption inherent to the system in Rio de Janeiro, I told my friends a bit embarrassed that the last time I went to the movies was nine months ago. The other mom-friends haven´t been to a proper movie session in years! Yes, they all made their calculations and three of them haven´t been to the movies in 5 years!
If these mothers haven´t been to the movies in years, you can guess they haven´t done way much more of simple entertaining things like that.
A few weeks back two women who I really respect were having a discussion about making healthy food choices. As far as I know, they are both stay-at-home moms trying to support their families on one salary.
One was raised in a single parent home and one was a single mom herself not too long ago. I tell you all this just to say that both of these women have had unique life experiences. Their discussion centered around whether you could be poor and still eat healthy food, or if being poor meant that you could not afford to eat healthily. Obviously, they both had different opinions.
Both acknowledged it was difficult, but they differed on how possible it was to not have money and still eat healthily.
Then today, I came up upon this article saying that healthy food is a privilege of the rich. it’s not what GED students as myself want to hear! I saved some money because I followed Covcell GED online classes (that I highly recommend), but I am far from being rich!
And it made me think of their discussion all over again. Are those who have a lower socioeconomic level destined to not be able to access healthy nutrition?
It’s been far too long since I’ve done a “Zombie Post” so I’m doing it now. I picked this one for no reason other than I liked it. No rhyme or reason, it just jumped out at me. Enjoy.
Come along for the ride as I take my first stab at the “pretty much world famous”…
Please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle. And awaaaaaaay we go!
I’m obviously choosing prompt #2, Before I was a mom…
Before I was a mom, I wanted nothing more than to be one. This could’ve had something to do with the short list of long term relationships I was involved in. I tried to plan my family with a 7th grade boy, and come to find out, they don’t take kindly to that sort of thing. Woops.
My last post was about getting Christmas gifts. Well, the holidays are over and we went to see my parents. Sure feeling overwhelmed at times is part of life and I´m no different than anyone on this, but since I´m always aware of looking at things the way I want, I thought it would be convenient to stress on the advantages of traveling alone with a young child.Just like the disadvantages, the advantages can be pretty much applied to everyday life, not simply traveling. But traveling makes some of the things more apparent. Here are some reasons why it´s really nice to travel with a 3-year old:
1. A healthy life-style – while traveling with a child, you will fall into the healthy living of sleeping and waking up early and eating the healthiest food available. When traveling child-free, you might fall into drinking beer everyday at the beach, but with a child, you will much prefer juice that you can both share, plus you need the energy to keep up the pace of your child, so keeping healthy it´s really not an option.
I decided I was going to take part of Katie over at Sluiter Nation‘s Top Ten Tuesday, for fun and because with everything going on with Gma, my brain is spent and I’m tired of Chris asking me if I’m okay. I’m okay dammit.
Anyway, this week, her topic is the bebe’s Christmas list(s). So, here in no particular order are the things my bebe’s list (most of which, they already got).
10. Lalaloopsy Dolls
Chris doesn’t think these are the cutest effing dolls ever. I LOVE this one, she is just so punk rock! In fact, this is the one Caitlin is getting from Chris and I. She’s also getting a twin pack from my parents, and probably a fourth. I love them. A-dor-able.
I’m having a hard time believing it’s already December 1st. My, how things have changed in a year. And I mean, changed in ways you would never believe.
August 2015 was the beginning of the most difficult year of my life and December 1, 2015 was a day which will be burned into my head for a long time. It was the beginning of a lot of struggles. It was the start of a long road to a recovery Chris and I needed. My, oh, my.
Chris lost his job a year ago today, and although he had another job lined up, he had no start date. And I may have mentioned this before, but his old boss was excruciatingly manipulative of Chris, and Chris was actually still technically working for him, receiving phone calls and helping him out via phone with no payment.
This was the beginning of our troubles with the insurance companies because he promised to keep our insurance rolling until his new job started covering us, since Chris was still providing services for him. He lied. He shut it off the very first chance he had.
How was everyone’s Thanksgiving??
Mine was decent. Very different than usual, but decent all the same.
I hadn’t really mentioned it because I had this week’s posts all scheduled up until today and didn’t really feel like going against the schedule or have time to write a whole new post, but my Gma died Tuesday. S’all good, she was 90, it was her time.
My poor Gpa, however, didn’t take it very well. He’s been with her for 65 years and now he’s alone. He looked to her for guidance, and now she’s gone. He still has all of us, in fact, my brother Patrick is going to be staying with him for a little while to keep him company at night and help him ease into the transition of my Gma not being there.
That was the biggest reason our Thanksgiving was different. We usually have our entire family, plus my dad’s best friend and his family and my niece’s adoptive family as well. With the loss of Gma, our Thanksgiving turned into a more intimate family memorial, so it was immediate family only. My oldest brother and his family didn’t come either, so dinner was much more quiet than usual.
I’m a coffee addict. I spend an embarrassing amount of money on coffee at Starbucks or any other coffee-house I find. So, when I find a good recipe for coffee syrup, I get a little giddy. When I find one as spicy and wonderful as this one, I have to share it.
Spiced Gingerbread Latte Syrup
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
1 TBSP honey
1 (6″) piece of fresh ginger root, sliced
1 cinnamon stick, broken into large pieces
8 whole cloves
1/2 tsp. whole allspice
1/2 tsp. whole peppercorns
1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg